Top Tens

Last update: 2005-07-16 20:04:52

TOP TEN

...quick and easy meals

1. Three slices of bread
2. Margerine
3. Ice cubes
4. House plant
5. Chair leg
6. Shoe
7. Play Dough
8. Snot and bogies in a pie
9. Assorted insects
10. Take-away.

TOP TEN

...ways to make people think you're mad

1. End every sentance by saying "Dave!!"
2. Create your own theme tune and sing it whenever you do something cool
3. Hop everywhere and when confronted deny everything.
4. Just start laughing on the bus
5. Look out of the window licking your lips when people pass
6. Kiss a strange dog or lion
7. Create an alternate personality
8. Carry a corpse with you everywhere claiming it is your wife.
9. Gouge your eyes out
10. Go on some kind of crazy random killing spree

TOP TEN

...rubbish jobs

1. Toilet smeller
2. Fight-starter
3. Sword sharpness tester
4. Operator inside lazy celebrities
5. Professional Ill person
6. Robert Kilroy-Silk
7. Sewage examiner
8. Evil henchman
9. The first boss in a Mega Drive game
10. The little man who sits inside the cash machine handing you money

TOP TEN

...excuses for not going to work

1. It is Christmas
2. A bad man has stolen my legs, arms and car.
3. I don't know where I work
4. The new Star Wars film is coming out
5. It is the festival of St Swithens
6. I am in prison
7. I am far too lazy
8. I am a millionaire
9. I am unsure of my location, name or job.
10. I am dead

TOP TEN

...amusing Google search strings that have resulted in a visit to Mikeynet

1. "Pictures of men wetting their pants"
2. "facewipe bush"
3. "bald beer bellies"
4. "Fred Durst is an idiot"
5. "limp bizkit are much better than eastenders"
6. "nakedgirl"
7. "ackbar"
8. "fletcher 3000"
9. "Jaimie Kanwar"
10. "alec guinness hated star wars"

TOP TEN

...reasons to turn MSN Messenger off.

1. That girl you know who you fancy will never come online and you feel that the Internet is mocking you.
2. You realise you actually said "lol" instead of laughing
3. ROFLMAO!!!!
4. People all pretend to have "Connection trouble" whenever you go online
5. You have about 15 people called sexybabe54 on your list and no idea who they are
6. Your social life revolves around it
7. That girl you fancy really has blocked you, hasn't she? She must really really hate you.
8. Everyone knows that GFreeMsgX is better, you should use that.
9. You haven't moved from your chair since Tuesday
10. That biddly-oop noise is really really really annoying and it makes you want to kill people. In fact, you probably already have, which explains the smell under the floorboards.

TOP TEN

...reasons to have MSN Messenger on:

1. That girl you know who you fancy might come online
2. It keeps coming on when you boot up and can't work out how to turn it off
3. Your social life revolves around it
4. You like typing
5. You like to scare teenage girls by pretending you have killed someone.
6. That girl you fancy still might come online
7. You are afraid of the telephone
8. You don't have any real friends
9. You are afraid that if you stop logging on, you might cease to exist.
10. That girl you fancy might unblock you

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