Naked Girl (a script)

Last update: 2005-07-21 20:21:42

FEMALE VO (betty blouse): I didn't always used to be naked. There was a time when I used to be a humble lab assistant for kind and caring Kevin Killer. But all that changed one fateful day, during the night. Int Lab, Night.

BETTY BLOUSE is an attractive woman in her mid-20s. DR KEVIN KILLER is an attractive but slightly evil looking scientist type in his late 40s. Kevin has a pet rat called ARCHIMEDES which runs about in a big cage.

BETTY: Dr Killer, I'm off now. I'll see you tomorrow
KEVIN: Ok, Betty. I'll see you tomorrow.
BETTY: Bye, Archimedes.

The rat sqeaks

KEVIN: Calm down, Archimedes. You like her, don't you? Heh heh. Never mind. My formula is almost perfected, then we'll be able to retire - and we'll have brought about world peace. What's that? You want some cheese?

Int Subway Train, Night

BETTY is sat on the busy train

VO: I was just part of the normal ratrace. Not since my parents had been horrifically killed from contaminated tic-tacs had I felt this alone.
MAN: Hey there, you look lonely
BETTY: Screw you!

Int Apartment

Betty opens the door and turns on the light. There is crap everywhere. She picks up a fashion magazine

VO: I'd always wanted to be a fashion designer. Like that was going to happen; now I was stuck in a dead-end job.

Betty collapses on her bed and falls asleep

Lab

KEVIN: Excellent... excellent! My formula is almost perfected! I've created concentrated evil in a glass! If anyone so much as touches it, they'll turn to pure evil! Now I'll just leave it on this shelf just above this cup of tea.

Kevin walks out, after putting the un-lidded jar on the top of a shelf above his cup of tea, above his cup of tea.

Offices of the Daily Day, Day

The Editor, Piers Moron, is talking to the chief of police, Frank Force

PIERS MORON: This city is overrun by criminals! What are you going to do about it?!
FRANK: You print lies, Moron! The situation is not out of control!
MORON: My daughter has been mugged at gun point three times this week - in the sweet shop! By the shopkeeper! Now look me in the eye and tell me crime is not out of control!
FRANK: Listen, we'll try doubling our recruits. If you keep printing this filth about us, nobody's going to join!
MORON: My paper has more influence over this city than you and you know it. I can print whatever the hell I like. I'll cut you a deal
FRANK: What?
MORON: You give me a cut, say, 35% of the police budget, and I tell everyone that the police is great and they should all join.
FRANK: You're holding the city to ransom!
MORON: I know.
FRANK: Wait a second - this conversation doesn't make any sense. You want crime cut as much as I do
MORON: Certainly. But I didn't get where I am today by making sense. Now get out of my office. I've got some stirring to do.

Lab

ARCHIMEDES edges the cage towards the jar, and takes a sip through the bars. He lets out a yelp and falls back, asleep. As he falls back, a bit of the stiuff splashes into the tea.

Int. Betty's Apartment

Betty is asleep. The phone rings. Betty wakes and answers it

BETTY: Hello?
KEVIN: Betty!? Where the hell are you? Come and look at this!
BETTY: It is? Damn! I'll be right there.

Lab ARCHIMEDES is seemingly dead on his back

BETTY: Is he dead?
KEVIN: No, he's alive... but its as if some kind of molecular transformation is happening! His very DNA is being re-written Something I cannot explain... unless...
BETTY: Unless what?

KEVIN glances at the jar to make it obvious to stupid viewers of the connection

KEVIN: No, its still there... Mysterious.

CLOSE UP of ARCHIMEDES. His eyes glow red.

int: police station

FRANK: There's no way we can reach these targets. It's no good, this city is overrun. Get me the mayor, Dave.
DAVE: No.
FRANK: What?
DAVE: Give me all your money, Frank.

DAVE pulls out a gun.

FRANK: Bugger.

FRANK gives DAVE his wallet. DAVE runs out

FRANK: You're fired!
DAVE: Yeah, well, screw you!!!
FRANK: Damn. That's the third time in as many days. I knew I should have fired him earlier. What this city needs is some kind of superhero.

Lab
KEVIN: You know, ever since I took you in after your parents tragic death, I've thought of you as if you were my daughter.
BETTY: Thanks, Dr Killer. You're so kind...
KEVIN: You just looked so sad, alone on that hospital bed. I felt responsible...
BETTY: No... you weren't to blame. It was a freak accident that killed my parents. Only one tic-tac in a trillion...
KEVIN: That's what they told you? No... I have a confession to make... I...

The rat begins to move.

BETTY: Kevin! Kevin! He's starting to move!
KEVIN: Great! You pick him up and put him back in the cage.
BETTY: OK

She leans over to pick up the stirring rat. ARCHIMEDES jumps up and bites BETTY.

BETTY: Aaaargh! The fiend!
KEVIN: What?
BETTY: He's bitten me!
KEVIN: Archimedes! Get here!

KEVIN picks up the rat and puts him in the cage. He picks up the cup of tea and begins to sip from it.

KEVIN: Is it bleeding?
BETTY: A little.
KEVIN: I'll go and get a first aid kit. This tea is cold!

KEVIN downs the tea and goes off to find the first aid box.

BETTY: ooooh I feel dizzy. These clothes... they seem to be really uncomfortable on me. I... I want to take them off.

She takes off her cardigan

BETTY: That's better. Dr Killer? Where are you? Kevin?

She walks out of the room into the corridor. There were see KEVIN unconsious on the floor.

BETTY: KEVIN!!!

She gets out her phone and dials 911.

BETTY: There's no signal... and the other phones are out... I'll have to carry him downstairs

Betty picks up Kevin in complete disregard of all first aid rules.

BETTY: Hmm... he's lighter than I remember...

Meanwhile... close up of the rat cage. It is empty and the bars have been knawed though.

Hospital

KEVIN KILLER is unconscious on the bed. BETTY is looking over him, owrried. A DOCTOR and a NURSE are there too

DOCTOR: We're unsure as to what's wrong with him until we do some tests. This I do know though - his entire molecualar structure is changing. It's as if his DNA is being rewritten.
BETTY: What do you mean?
DOCTOR: The very fabric of his existance is being torn apart and restructured.
BETTY: But will he be ok?
DOCTOR: Yes, we expect a full recovery. Unless of course he dies.
BETTY: Oh Doctor! He's been like a father to me. I do think he's lost weight though
DOCTOR: No, he's still a big fat lardass. Why?
BETTY: How odd... I could pick him up with little effort...
DOCTOR: You need to get some rest. Wait outside. We'll call you in if he dies or nearly dies or gets better or something.
BETTY: OK.

BETTY exits

NURSE: He's the 37ccs of Hydroxinal you wanted, Doctor.

NURSE passes DOCTOR a syringe

DOCTOR: Thank you, nurse.

DOCTOR holds the syringe up and pushes a little bit of it out like they do in films. He rolls up his sleeves. Suddenly KEVIN's eyes open. They're glowing red. He grabs the DOCTOR by the throat. The NURSE screams
DOCTOR: Nurse... do something! Call for help!
KEVIN: Grrrrr! Arrrrgghh!
NURSE: Aaaaaaarrrrggh!
KEVIN injects the DOCTOR with the syringe. The DOCTOR collapses
corridor

BETTY is sat on a bench. She hears the commotion next door. She leaps up and runs in

hospital ward

The dead bodies of the NURSE and the DOCTOR are lying against the wall. KEVIN's clothes are abandoned by the window. He is nowhere to be seen

BETTY: Dr Killer! Kevin?! His clothes are here.... how odd?!
VO: That moment my life was changed for ever. I knew something had happened to Kevin - but what? I had to find out. I made my way sadly back to my apartment, ignoring the fact I probably should have reported the crime.

Exterior; outside Betty's apartment building
Suddenly a man appears.

MAN: Hey, you, give me your money!
BETTY: Yikes!
MAN: Yeah, or I'll shoot you with my gun.
BETTY: Er... ok.

BETTY does some kind of ninja kick and beats the man.

MAN: Eeeeuuuurrg
BETTY: How odd... I didn't realise I was an expert in all martial arts and super-strong. Perhaps I should use this power for good. Perhaps I should use this power to find out who kidnapped Dr Kevin Killer!

In the apartment

BETTY: I'll need a costume. Lucky I'm an aspiring costume designer; that plot hole is filled!

She picks up a fashion magazine and flicks through, until she comes to a page with a naked woman in

BETTY: That's it - simple, yet effective. The perfect disguise since nobody will be looking at my face. I'll get to work on my costume right away.

Exterior; alleyway

SMALL CHILD: These new bikes mom and dad gave us are great!
SMALLER CHILD: Yes!
HARD LOOKING MAN: Hey there, kids. Where did you get those bikes from?
SMALL CHILD: Mommy and Daddy gave them to us
MAN: Oh really? That's nice. Just checkng. There's dodgy kids about, in this sick, crime-ridden city.

SMALL CHILD pulls out a gun

SMALL CHILD: Yes, there are. Now give me your wallet.
MAN: Oh crap.

Suddenly a naked woman appears. She beats the children with their own bikes in an exciting action sequence. We see her face - it is BETTY.

MAN: Dang!
BETTY: Here's your wallet, sir.
MAN: Er... thank you... Er... I
BETTY: I'd better be off
MAN: Who... who are you?
BETTY: Me? I'm.... naked girl!

int; old man's house; day

OLD MAN: Hmm. What a nice day

Suddenly the wall smashes. Stood there is a psychotic looking man, with a mad glint in his eye and quite, quite naked. It is KEVIN KILLER!

KEVIN: So... Professor Goatbeard! Remember me?
GOATBEARD: Kevin Cockface? Is that you?
KEVIN: I had my name changed to something less stupid, but yes, it is. Or rather was.
GOATBEARD: What do you mean?
KEVIN: As you may have noticed, I am not crazy and evil. Crazy, evil and naked. My new name is Dr Nude.
GOATBEARD: Oh my goodness! What do you want with me?
KEVIN: Remember how you marked one of my assignments down because it was rubbish?
GOATBEARD: Yes, but it was...
KEVIN: I know, but that's not the point. You betrayed me. And now I'm going to kill you! With...

He looks around franically until he sees a sharp knife. He grabs it

KEVIN: ...this!
GOATBEARD: Put that down! Have you gone crazy, man?!
KEVIN: Yes. I told you, that. Grab him, Archimedes.

A giant rat, the size of man, lumbers in. His big teeth gnash.

int, Betty's apartment

BETTY: That was a hard day of crimefighting, but I won't get dressed just yet. Maybe I could invite a load of my pretty female friends over for a party. No - wait- they'd see through my disguise.

She sits in front of the TV

TV: ...Goatbeard who was horrifically murdered in his home today. Eyewitnessess report seeng what they claim to be a giant rat and a naked man...
BETTY: Professor Goatbeard?! He was Dr Killer's mentor. He'll be devastated. Hmm... wait a minute... this person seems to be killing all people related to Kevin... if I find out who it is, maybe I can find out where he's been taken. Or maybe it's just a massive coincidence.
TV:... and the murder of Susan Dooberry, sister of missing scientist Kevin Killer is still...
FRANK FORCE (on TV): I can assure you that we are doing all we can to find out who is behind these terrible crimes.
INTERVIEWER: What do you say to people who claim that you are a puppet of Pier Moron, the Daily Day editor who also runs this TV station?
FRANK:Piers Moron is a .... wonderful man. That is all.
BETTY: (Turns off TV) I'd better get down to the police station.

Frank Force's office.

FRANK is sat at his desk. PIERS MORON storms in

PIERS: Who the hell is Naked Girl? And why are you allowing her to beat up criminals?
FRANK: Naked Girl? She's just some crazy nude vigilanty. We like her. I have a video. Want to see?
PIERS: No. I hate her. She's really popular with our readers. They're making out like she's going to stop all crime. Which I don't want her to do, in case I am the leader of a crime syndicate. Which I'm not.
FRANK: Good. OK. I'll stop her.
PIERS: Good. There's only one place for gratuitous nudity in my paper and its not Page 1! You get me!?
FRANK: Yes. This conversation hasn't made much sense either. For a start you haven't mentioned his evil nude bloke and his giant hamster. Are you an amoral media type who will stop at nothing to make money, an evil criminal, or just stupid?
PIERS: All of them. Now give me your wallet.
FRANK: I hate this city.

A secret cave

KEVIN: Archimedes, from now on you are known as BATTLE-RAT.
Battle-Rat grunts.
KEVIN: Once everyone I've ever known is dead, then I can begin my diabolical scheme to take over the world
Battle-Rat grunts
KEVIN: Yes, that's right, Battle-Rat. My high-powered heat gun will kill everyone in the world. Except for me - I shall not overheat because I'm already naked!
Battle-Rat grunts
KEVIN: I... I can't bring myself to go out and kill her, Battle-Rat. Besides, soon she will come to me....

TO BE CONTINUED.... -->

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