What will happen in....

Last update: 2007-08-04 17:21:41

"Hi, I'm Donald Sutherland, star of Invasion of the Bodysnatchers. I'm not one to boast, but when the world needs saving from terrorists with ludicrious complicated plans, my son, Jeff, is the only man who can stop them. That's right. Jeff. Meanwhile, my other son is messing around on the telly. I liked him better when he was in Flatliners, the gravelly voiced get."

24

• 8am - It turns out that Jack Bauer is actually his own father, and that the person he thought was his father is actually the President who is working for a gang of terrorists from the "Middle East".
• 9am - Jack gets a letter from Kim informing him that her newly born son has a terrible illness. Jack is upset for 14 seconds and then rips out a man's intestines in order to find out where someone is hiding some gold so that he can give the gold to some mercenaries who might have access to a data file which may contain the whereabouts of the terrorists.
• 10am - Some new people come into CTU in the middle of the crisis and decide to move everyone's desks so they are facing the other way.
• 11am - It suddenly transpires that the new head of CTU, some bloke named Colin, has been shot by some other bloke who got in by hiding in Jack's bag and the data file has been stolen and is now hidden within one of Los Angeles' 900,000 bicycles. Jack finds out that his current girlfriend is actually Hitler.
• 12pm - Hitler and Jack have a battle in the middle of the street. Jack uses a passing child as a human shield, but the child is happy because this will save many other lives, probably. Jack totures another child because he thinks the child might be the owner of the bicycle in question.
• 1pm - Some teenagers nick the bike while Jack is in the petrol station asking for directions. He gets a map downloaded onto his PDA but it leads him in the wrong direction. Meanwhile, Hitler has stolen a jetpack and is meeting up with the terrorists, who are led by Jack's illigitimate and previously unmentioned son Dennis.
• 2pm - Jack finds the teenagers drunk and high on drugs. He chastises them for their stupidity by shooting them, except one, who repents, and then gets shot anyway by an overzealous policeman when helping Jack get away. Meanwhile, everyone in CTU has been killed by a flesh-eating virus which the terrorists hid in a sandwich.
• 3pm - Jack realises that he is on the FBI's most wanted list again and 3 FBI agents are chasing him. He arrives at CTU which is now back to normal. He finds out that his son is really evil and decides that the only way to sort it out is by being the father he never had.
• 4pm - Dennis is sat in a room with Hitler and his henchmen. He reads a book. Jack has a bit of a nap and writes some updates on his blog.
• 5pm - Jack phones up Dennis' mother who answers and then is suddenly killed by some bloke. It turns out that Dennis is actually a goody and has been working for Jack all along deep undercover to find out where Hitler had been hiding for the past 62 years. Hitler gets suspicious because as soon as this information is revealed to the viewer Dennis becomes the world's worst liar
• 6pm - Kim turns up in the Neveda desert during some nuclear testing. She escapes but then gets food poisioning from the restaurant she stops at. Then she realises her son has been kidnapped.
• 7pm - Hitler is shot by Jack and all the terrorists are so upset that they go home. Jack gets a haircut.
• 8pm - Jack reconciles with his son Dennis. They have dinner together and play Wii Tennis at Jack's apartment
• 9pm - Jack gets annoyed playing Wii Boxing and goes off in a sulk.
• 10pm - The two go to a bar where they play pool and get a bit drunk.
• 11pm - They then get very drunk
• 12am - Jack is sick in the taxi
• 1am - It turns out that Dennis is still a terrorist, and he steals Jack's clothes and wallet, pays the taxi driver (who is actually the head of CTU/a terrorist) to drop him off a cliff, and goes off to set fire to some important buildings.
• 2am - Jack has sobered up and runs naked through the streets where he finds Dennis and kills him. This is great personal agony for him, reminding him of the death of his wife. He then saves everyone from the burning buildings before finding some clothes and going home.
• 3am - Jack watches some informercials, including one for a special ladder that can fold up in 4 ways. He orders one, but a terrorist intercepts his phone call, and uses his card details to blow up a train.
• 4am - Jack falls asleep
• 5am - He has left the TV on. Ceefax pages are on now.
• 6am - Jack misses his alarm. Will he be late for work?
• 7am - No he won't! It's Saturday! Hooray!

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