Film-Game game

Last update: 2005-12-27 22:20:44

When bored the other day, a game was devised. By combining the names of popular films and games, we can create a hybrid, at least a million times better than the original. Here I list the ones that I thought up.

Crazy Taxi Driver Disturbed Vietnam vet Travis Bickle, is driven slowly insane when Cybill Shephard insists on being dropped off at the Levi's Store then complains that it takes more that 14 seconds.

Cop and Half-Life - Gordon Freeman's got a new partner - and he's 10!

Reservoir Dogz - After a heist goes wrong, 4 lovable dogs decamp to a warehouse where you can pet them, feed them and play with them to your heart's content. The game ends when you realise it is boring or they shoot eachother.

Mementony Hawk's Pro Skater - Leonard Shelby (Guy Pearce) must master many tricks and combos in order to find out who killed his wife. To make the game harder, the buttons keep changing to simulate Shelby's memory condition.

Super Mario Brothers Grimm - When the wicked witch steals Princess Mushroom, the Mario Brother Grimm must venture through the gingerbread castle whilst avoiding an evil witch and a big, bad wolf.

Cinderella Pacman - The true story of boxer Pacman (Russel Crowe) who rose from poverty to being champion despite being simply a giant yellow head and addicted to pills.

Streets of Raging Bull - Jake la Motta must free the streets of violence by kicking people's heads in this classic side-scrolling beat-em-up. Extra points for punching yourself.

Kirby's Dream Land of the Dead - Pink blob thing Kirby (Dennis Hopper) floats around whilst avoiding the terrible zombie threat.

Super Mario Sunrise - Slightly over cutesy but nonetheless addictive remake of FW Munau's silent classic Sunrise, which nobody has seen, nor wants to see, but has read about in books

Dirty Dancing Stage - Patrick Swayze demonstrates how to get 50 dance combos to Steps hits down at the Hollywood bowl, much to the awe of a mob of 13-year-old girls inexplicably all called Keeley or Kayla. Later on, he beats a 9 year old at air hockey.

The Time Machine Crisis - When questioned about the film The Time Machine, Guy Pearce hides behind boxes and periodically pops out to shoot people or some barrels rolling down a hill. Two player mode features Samantha Mumba.

House of the Dead Man Walking - When death row convict Sean Penn goes missing, nun Susan Sarandon goes looking for him in a zombie infested castle.

The People vs Leisure Suit Larry - Woody Harrelson stars as publisher of unfunny, sexist and altogether rubbish adventure games who is taken to court under obscenity rules. How old are you? You must be 18 to play!

Sin City 2000 - Like the original Rodriguez/Miller adaptation, only better and with hills.

Crash Bandicoot - Whilst saving the planet from the evil scientist, anthropomorphic bandicoot Crash hits someone in his car and he likes it. Lots.

Crash Bandicoot - Whilst saving the planet from the evil scientist, anthropomorphic bandicoot Crash hits someone in his car and realises he is racist, or something.

Robin Hood: Prince of Persia - Slow paced, non-scrolling platform classic which also serves as a prequel to the Kevin Costner film. You play Morgan Freeman's character, Azeem, wandering around Baghdad or somewhere. At the end, you get thrown in prison - about to start another wacky adventure!

Gosford Theme Park - Tongue in cheek country house murder simulator. Delete a staircase with servants on with hilarious results, but forgetting to put enough tables in will cause your household to sit on the floor and throw overlapping dialogue at eachother.

Dark Sim City - Irritating version of Sim City where Richard O'Brian keeps blowing up all your power stations and clicking on "send monster" whenever you go the toilet, before stealing your memories, altering reality and building too many commercial zones!

A Grand Theft Day Out - Wallace and his dog Gromit decide to go on holiday to the moon to see if it really is made of cocaine and shoot up some gangstas.

Duke Nukem Forever Young - During the second world war, dashing fighter pilot Mel Gibson is cryogenically frozen. He never comes out.

King Pong - When film director Carl Denham heads to a mysterious island to create an epic film based on the classic game of tennis, he finds it is home to an enormous white block.

Road Rashomon - The events of the same motorbike race is recounted 3 times by various witnesses.

Final Fantasy Seven - In this classic Playstation adventure from Squaresoft you play Kevin Spacey, a psychotic murderer.

Shinesweeper - In this sequel to Shine, the story of incredible piano genius David Helfgott is sadly cut short when he clicks the wrong box and explodes. On Beginner mode as well.

Snake Fear - When psychotic murderer Max Cady is released from prison, he seeks revenge on the man who first bought him a mobile phone.

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