Dr Historama's Facts

Last update: 2007-02-10 15:49:38

St. Valentine's Day.

"Greetings, I am Dr Historama, history expert. I am around 50 times more of expert than you at anything that you think you might be an expert at. Especially history. My favourite historical periods are the mezolithic era, the paleolithic era, and Tuesday. I have been asked to do this new feature on Mikeynet, in which I expound various historical facts from a certain era. I hate having to convey information to lesser people than myself, so I've actually got my 4-year-old grandson to write it for me. It will be good training for when he is President, subjugating you lesser mortals."

1) St. Valentine's Day is named for St. Valentine, a Christian martyr from 190 AD. He was famous for sending abusive birthday cards to Roman dignitaries.

2) Every year, there are more that 800 million Valentine's Day cards sent and received by loved ones and admirers. None of them are for you.

3) The most cards received in one day by one individual was 11,231, by Julius Hobaken of Portmerion, Wales. It was later revealed that up to three quarters of them were sent by his mother.

4) Robots do not send or receive Valentine's Day cards. Instead, they show love on Valentine's Day by filming happy slapping incidents together and putting them on youtube.

5) For stalkers, every day is Valentine's Day.

6) The average man sends up to 41 cards in his lifetime. None of them are for you.

7) The best way to determine who at work has sent you the mystery card is to identify the man standing behind you, licking his lips.

8) St. Valentine invented the banjo.

9) During prohibition in the United States, people used to send bottles of gin disguised as novelty socks.

10) A recent scientific study into fear has shown that going to Clinton Cards during early February is the single most horrific shopping experience in the history of mankind.
In second place was accidentaly ending up in the Adult DVD section in HMV, and third place was being drugged and kidnapped in the changing rooms at Debenham's.

11) According to a recent survey, Valentine's Day is the 4th worst day of the year.

12) That card you received last year? That wasn't for you.

13) There was no St Valentine's Day in 1940 because romance was banned during the war.

14) Interflora make over 3 billion US dollars in the run up to 14th February every year. None of it is spent on you.

15) St. Valentine's name has become permanently associated with love; but did you know that he was actually the patron saint of quality footwear?

16) Hallmark's least successful Valentine's card of all time featured the poem; "I have been watching you, I know where you live, I am hiding in your bathroom, I love you and am going to get you." and featured a picture of US President Dwight Eisenhower on the front.

17) The first Valentine's text message was sent by comedian Ernie Wise on February 14th 1989, when he became lost and disoriented in his local Clinton Cards.

18) Most restaurants are fully booked for Valentine's Day 3 months in advance! The most romantic restaurant in Britain, the Nando's in South Leeds, is booked fully for every Valentine's Day until 2012. None of the bookings are for you.

19) If you don't do anything romantic on Valentine's Day, you have to do something romantic every day for the next 15 years to make up for it.

20) Up until 1987, Valentine's Day was actually a celebration of the local ham harvest.

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