Dear Morrissey

Last update: 2006-03-25 14:51:28

"Hello. I'm Morrissey, famous singer. The last few years I've spent reading some books about Oscar Wilde and Alain Delon. This has given me invaluable life experience which I can use to help you, the people, with problems that may be affecting your life. Just last week, Nancy Sinatra rang me up to complain about a man who was eating some ham near her. My advice was to write a song. My new album is out soon."

Dear Morrissey

I think I'm in love with this girl. I really want to tell her how I feel. She's moving away soon and I might never see her again; and I know I'll regret it for ever if I don't - yet I don't want to mess up our friendship.
Loser, Doncaster

Frankly, I find your situation terribly dull.

Dear Morrissey

I recently found out that I have a short time to live. I have just got married and I don't know how to tell my wife; it will destroy her. I know I have to tell her sooner or later. What should I do?
Worried, Manchester

I'm not really interested in that kind of thing, to be honest.

Dear Morrissey

I have recently married a man who is 15 years my junior. We are deeply in love but my son from my first marriage disapproves. I am not going to leave my husband, but how can I show my son that this is what I want?
Bearded, Spain

I neither know nor care.

Well. How dull. I'm not doing this again,

- -

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