Ask Johnny 5

Last update: 2007-01-13 16:34:01

December 2000 >

"Fugitive ex-military robot Jonny 5's ability to help out people with emotional or relational problems first showed with Short Circuit 2. With his deep experience, and inputting from numberous books, have helped Jonny 5 to become an expert in all things problematic - such as my acting career. I salute him." - Steve Gutenberg, 'star' of Short Circuit, Police Academy and many other hilarious comedies.

The following may seem familiar. It is a rewrite of this

My son is a psychopath!

Dear Jonny 5,
I've just found out that my son has violent magazines, and on his web site he plots evil murder with sad psychos across the globe! Should I confront him or let it lie?

Jonny 5 says:
Your son is mad. Get out while you are still alive.

Fear of Anne

Dear Jonny 5,
My friends all say its an irrational fear, but I am really scared of Anne Robinson, star of TVs Watchdog and The Weakest Link. My phobia first manifesed itself when she started doing Points Of View, and a painful memory of my childhood resurfaced. My friends all say how great The Weakest Link is, but I can't watch it because I start having serious panic attacks even before she appears. Please help me, Jonny, it's ruining my life.

Jonny 5 says:
You are a freak. Anne Robinson is not scary. Go and see a shrink. He'll sort you out. If not, hide.

Man on ?125,000

Dear Jonny 5,
This is Chris Tarrent on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. We've got R2 here on ?25,000 and with your help he could get ?250,000. The next voice you here will be R2.
Hi, Jonny. OK... which 80s sci-fi comedy film featured robot Number 5? Short Circuit, Starman, Terminator or Robocop?

Jonny 5 says:
Er... I think I've seen that. I'm not 100% sure, but i think it's A. Sorry I can't be any more definite...

December 2000 >

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