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Ask Johnny 5
Last update: 2007-01-13 16:35:32
Jonny 5, world famous agony uncle, answers your queries on any subject with his robotic frankness (and compassion).
I hate presents
Dear Jonny 5,
As Christmas again appraches, I begin to dread the traditional pastime of present giving. Its not that I don't like giving, but that since an early age I have had a severe phobia of wrapped-up gifts. It began, I think, when my older brother gave me a gift box containing acid, which then proceeded to burn my hands. Ever since I cannot look at a wrapped present for fear of it being another booby trap. Just the thought can make me feel faint, and the other day I had a panic attack in the middle of a shop when I accidently wandered into the wrapping paper section. Can you please help me? It really spoils the season for me.
Jonny 5 says:
Ask your friends to unwrap your presents. Avoid wrapping paper. Live in a hole over the Christmas season.
I want to kill Santa Claus
Dear Jonny 5,
Whenever I see a picture of Father Christmas, I gain an insatiable urge to kill. I usually destroy the picture and hold my breath for 10 seconds before feel ready to continue on my way. I went inside a Santa's Grotto once and beat the poor man to within an inch of his life. I know one day I'm going to do something really stupida nd inexcusable. Pleasae help, jonny 5, it's ruining my life.
Jonny 5 says:
Many other seemingly normal people have a similar condition to this, where seeing a picture, or certain colour, causes them to become incredibly angry. This is normally known as Photodycropnopy, and is usually caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals. There are many varying intensities of the disease, ranging from mild discomfort to full-blown murder spree compulsion (killtomania). You are right to be worried; symptoms change intensity depending on present situations. If Santa does not give you what you want this year, it could push you over the edge.
Poke-Q
Dear Jonny 5,
Where can I find the Ditto in Vermillion City?
Jonny 5 says:
Go away
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