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Last update: 2005-07-13 22:03:50

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elcome to part 2 of Mike-Net's exclusive investigation into the world of Star Wars Episode 2 - Enter The Clones. Featuring in depth insider knowledge, this report may blow your mind, if you are really weird.

New characters

Darth Skagg and Waaa Toffmarr are all worthy additions to the Star Wars dramatis personae, but what of other lesser characters? For example, the goodies?

Many questions have been asked about Yoda's past. Was he ever married? Why has he been training Jedi for 700 years? What is he? Why does he sound like Fozzie Bear? Does he have any children? Many of these questions are answered by the introduction of Yeedie, Yoda's ex-wife and father of three larvae. Entering the Jedi Secret Base with a cry of "So, miss me you do not? Hmm? Back I am.". Yeedie, 724, met Yoda at Jedi School where she was training for am diploma in deep wisdom. Little more is known, except that Yeedie left Yoda because he put his work as a Jedi Master ahead of his marriage.

Robot C3-PO was built by Anakin Skywalker but left unfinished as we left the group in The Phantom Menace. Episode 2 reveals exclusively that Threepio is finished by Random Space Monkeys. There are also links in with the classic Droids series, and the even more classic Ewoks one. A new character introduced in this episode is Threepio's dog, K-9, not to be confused with K-9 off Dr Who. K-9 gets into hilarious scrapes, including eating Jar Jar Binks.

REVEALED THIS EPISODE

- Those battle droids are really really rubbish!
- Darth Sidious is - shock - Palpatine who is - shock - the Emporer!
- Han Solo's full name is Hannah
- Anakin loves Sunny Delight
- Yoda is really good at multiplayer Quake 2 - his nickname is j3Di_KooL
- Lightsabres are made of solidified Sunny Delight
- Darth Sidious is Obi-Wan's father
- Boba Fett killed JFK
- Obi-Wan loves his pony tails
- Qui-Gonn was terminally addicted to California-style Sunny Delight
- Yoda has written numerous romantic novels under the pseudinym 'Yodissia'
- Queen Amidala prefers Florida style Sunny Delight.

Random People

The following famous Australians appear in the film:

Pugwall *
Harold Bishop
Rolf Harris
Dannii Minogue
Crocodile Dundee
The Dad from 'Round The Twist'
Mark Little
Jason Donovan
Dame Edna Everage
Stefan Dennis
Pugwall's annoying little sister
Craig McLachlin
Blinky Bill
Ovide the Platypuss
The Flying Doctors
The Orange Organics
Karl Kennedy

Also look out for

* - watch out for Pugwalls guide to the music industry coming soon exclusively to Mike-Net!

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