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Last update: 2005-07-13 21:55:17

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As part of Mike-Net's new strategic repositioning to become an incredible internet entertainment resource, we now bring you, in association with, er, nobody, here is a preview of this summer's blockbuster movies.

"Hi, I'm Steve Priestly, star of Movies, Games and Videos, bringing you the lowdown on the top movies that'll be packing the multiplexes this summer! We kick off with..."

Scooby Doo
Starring: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, some dog, Fred, Velma, Shaggy.

This summer's biggest and best film is sure to be Scooby Doo! An update of Hanna-Barbera's classic 1970s cartoon, this sees the familiar gang getting into some kind of trouble at an old house and/or funfair which is haunted by a ghost/monster! Yikes! Scooby will be entirely computer generated, using totally amazing special effects!

Script extract: (Since showing a film clip would be against copyright laws)
(The mystery machine pulls up at a gas station)
FRED: That's odd... we're outta gas - and money!
VELMA: I could've sworn we filled the tank less than 50 miles away!
DAPHNE: Well, its only a few miles to Uncle Zeke's. We can fill up here and pay later!
SHAGGY: Maybe it was like the extra weight from those scooby snacks, eh Scoob?
SCOOBY: Ryes!
(Enter creepy gas station attendant)
ATTENDANT: Hello. You want gas?
FRED: Hmm, we're just wanting to go to ol Zeke's house. Can we pay you later?
ATTENDANT: Ol' Zeke? You don't wanna be going up there. There's been tales of a giant buffalo beast eating his melons!
DAPHNE: But melon farming is his main source of income! Poor Uncle Zeke!
VELMA: Hmm... that's odd. Buffalos don't normally eat melons.

"Wow! But the plot soon thickens..."

(Zeke's house)
DAPHNE: Uncle Zeke?
FRED: He's nowhere to be seen
(Sound of roaring) SHAGGY: Like, let's get outta here, Scoob!
SCOOBY: Ryes!
(Shaggy and Scooby run on the spot for 3 seconds before moving fast)
DAPHNE: Something tells me this is no ordinary buffalo beast...
(Velma's glasses are 2 inches in front of her)
VELMA: My glasses! My glasses! I can't see!

"Wow! Crazy! Also out this summer:"

Spider-Man
Starring: That bloke, that girl, that guy.

This summer's biggest and best film is sure to be Spider-Man! An update of Marvel's classic comic, this sees the familiar student photographer Peter Parker gaining Spider-like powers and getting into trouble with the Green Goblin. Crazy! Or at least that's the impression I got from the trailer. Spider-man himself will be entirely computer generated, using amazing special effects!

SCRIPT EXTRACT:
(In a lab)
SCIENTIST: Look in here we have 10 genetically engineered super spiders! Don't let one bite you or you will gain super spider-like powers, or die, which is more likely.
SPIDER-MAN'S FUTURE GIRLFRIEND: There's one missing!
PETER: Aaah! I've been bitten by a spider!
SCIENTIST: What? Was it by one of the genetically engineered super spiders? If it was, we will have to cut you up and do experiments on you.
PETER: Er.. no. I think it was just a regular spider.
SCIENTIST: Good!
PETER: Heh heh.

IN THE OFFICES OF THE DAILY BUGLE
J JONAH JAMESON: Why I hate that cursed Spider Man! He's such a pest!
PETER: Hey, I got some pictures of Spider Man!
JAMESON: Great! I'll put them on the front page with the headline "Spider-Man - a pest!"
PETER: Hey, he's not so bad. Here are the photos.
JAMESON: Hmm, it looks like he took them himself!
PETER: Don't be silly.
JAMESON: But he's taken pictures of himself in a mirror!
PETER: Oh, yeah. I, er, found them. er... In his house.
(Peter puts his hand on the table)
JAMESON: Spider-Man's house, eh? What an exclusive!
PETER: Oh no! My web shooters are stuck to the table!
JAMESON: You're what?
PETER: My wet scooters. Er, I'll just stay here in your office for a while.
JAMESON: What are you up to, Parker?
PETER: Or do you mind if I take your desk out with me?

"Sound absolutly brilliant! Also out this summer..."

Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones

Starring: Ewan McGregor, some guy, Natalie Portman, the Emporer.

This summer's biggest and best film is sure to be Attack of the Clones! A sequel to George Lucas's mind-blowing prequel to his classic trilogy, this sees the familiar gang attacked by clones in space with lightsabres and space battles and suchlike. Wow! Jar-jar Binks will be entirely computer generated, using amazing special effects! We tried to get a script extract but George Lucas chased us with a broom telling us to keep out of his bins.

"Sounds like it'll be worth the wait! Also out this summer..."

Men In Black II
Starring: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, someone else.

This summer's biggest and best film is sure to be Men In Black 2! A sequel to 1997's top quality smash hit this movie reunites the original cast for more alien busting and world saving shennanigans! Some aliens will be entirely computer generated, using amazing special effects! Impressive! We got an exclusive interview with the film's star Will Smith:

Hey, Will, how are you
Hey, wassup.
We last saw you in Ali, playing legendary boxer Mohammed Ali. Have you ever thought about being a serious actor?
Well, ya see, Aah did, but then I thought its far too much fun makin' action flicks, y'know?
Yes. Ali was boring. What made you choose to do a sequel?
Y'know, I was sent the script, thought it was kinda funny, and they offered me 12 million dollars.

"What a great guy! Any other films out this summer are officially rubbish, (including the Scorpion King) and must not be watched by anyone! This has been Steve Priestly. Join us next time for more Movies Games and Videos!"

Er, no Steve, actually you're fired.

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